every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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