Please, let me fuck your mom
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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