White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
