I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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