9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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