Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
