She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
