Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
