she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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