Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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