I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Randomize
