weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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