there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Randomize
