I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Someone signed my nipple.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
