We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize