So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
