I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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