My Higher Power is John Stamos
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
