The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
