It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize