I just saw a hot homeless man
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
