I puked a lego.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
