we're chasing vodka with high fives
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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