3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
