I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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