I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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