I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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