brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
