I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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