Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
