I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
