What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
