Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
