bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
