Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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