Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize