I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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