There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Randomize
