He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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