last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Randomize
