and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
