they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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