FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
