question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
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