the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Randomize
