when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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