I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize