he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
