i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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