one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
