1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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