It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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