TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
