I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
