I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
