no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
