problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize