I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
But theres a keg here and me gusta
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
