I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
