Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
