Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
