She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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