Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
