Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
