P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Randomize
