marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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