I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
