you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
