i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
