the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
